Climbing Mount Everest

From the Parable of the Sower

Three different kinds of soil/hearts

1. Beside the Road Hearts - "The sower went out to sow his seed; and as he sowed, some fell beside the road; and it was trampled under foot, and the birds of the air ate it up." Jesus explained saying: "And those beside the road are those who have heard; then the devil comes and takes away the word from their heart, so that they may not believe and be saved.

"... some fell beside the road; and it was trampled under foot..." I know for myself I've been in this place. The place where my heart got trampled on. I was hurt. Through the traffic of relationships and the pain it caused me i ended up sidelined. I was put out. I wasn't in the field playing anymore. I was out of the game. I was beside the road sidelined with a damaged heart. And that pain that I experienced and wounding it caused me, just kept getting walked on in some of the new relationships and circumstances that would come my way. They would stomp on the pain and wreck my ability to hold onto the seed God was giving to me. God would give me something but it seemed like it wouldn't sink in like it should. I would see it and want it but i couldn't partake of it. I couldn't "taste and see that the Lord is good." Somehow I felt disqualified and not welcomed in.

Beside the road ground isn't toiled, it's hard. The farmer doesn't touch it. He drives his tractor over it. People walk there. Plants are not meant to grow there because all the care and nurturing is given by the farmer to the field where the harvest will happen. No harvest is expected beside the road. By the roadside seed just sits on top of the soil exposed to the air.

For me I exerienced this roadside place for most of my life. The enemy loves that place. He just sits on the fence next to the field and has a "field day". He swoops in all day long devouring what rightfully should nourshing my soul. He would come in taking from me what God was wanting me to have. I could hear what God was saying and wanting to give, but couldn't really receive it well and keep it like I should. My faith took a hit again and again when I would see the enemy come and steal once more. The hardest part was having to face that disappointment of each time I was let down. Well intentioned people would tell me to just hold on tighter and try harder, have more faith, but that wasn't what i really needed. I needed healing and someone to walk me back into the field, back into my heart so that I could receive the love and the seed God was giving to my life.

Believing can be hard when you seem to have a history of things not working out the way you had hoped they would. God seems to let you down over and over again feeling confused repeatedly by the result of circumstances sometimes ending not in your favor. When your only hope is God, and you know that, and then God seems to fail you... ouch! That hurts. That's hopelessness.

It's been hard at times to see that things could be different, that I could actually see the saving power of God after many failures and loses. Especially when it hits so closely to home, like with family. Family for some of us is like a breeding ground for unbelief. We believe for things year after year with no apparent change. And in some situations it gets even worse. And what we experience there pours over into the rest of life. Our expectations often will reflect what we have most often experienced at home. That's tough to overcome. It's tough to believe when there's a history of loss chasing you down each time you believe for the next challenge of your faith. It's like our histories prophecy our defeat before we can even begin to receive the seeds of hope that God is wanting us to have. That scenario I believe is connected to a wounded and broken heart and spirit, and an unrenewed mind. We can't even begin to see or hear much of anything because our hearts are already filled with our disappointing histories.

When you then see more of "the birds of the air" taking advantage of your wounded condition than God coming to your aide it pushes you into a real conflict of faith. How are we to face each new challenge of our faith when we feel crippled already inside? It's really difficult. That's the way it was in my early years with Jesus. I was a Christian, but I was hurt, lost, crippled and totally confused inside. I couldn't believe for myself to get out of bed on mornings. Living life meant, living with pain. Life beat me up to the point where I was just hoping to survive. Believing for anything beyond that was like facing a Mount Everest without training, without oxygen, without a team... it was impossible. I couldn't even get out of base camp. I would hide in my tent hoping I was really not there at the base of the mountain.

But through that I realized God was penetrating my beliefs. It was imperceptible at first. I couldn't see it. The Holy Spirit was orchestrating a replanting of my heart off the roadside. It was a hidden thing initially, but it gradually came into view. I would have moments of profound revelation as I would encounter God. I would encounter Him as Dad, as Father. And during that I would come to know me as son. There were many things like that. A "Beside the Road Heart" is really an orphan heart. They aren't able to receive the inheritance God is giving them because only sons receive an inheritance. So I was in process becomeing a son in my heart. That was to change everything, which it is and is continueing to. He never took me off the mountain. He just joined me there. And slowly through all the things He does, I began to be less intimadated by the mountain, less afraid. I began to believe for things, and I saw them come to pass. He took me into all kinds of things, and still is. This situation is another one of those things. But now we are climbing the mountain together. I'm no longer sitting down hiding in a tent. We are moving one step at a time.. learning to trust for bigger things, learning to take bigger risks. And it's actually fun. Survival some how has turned into adventure. Loss has transformed into faith. Disappointment has turned into faith. I don't get it, but I'm thankful to be here. I'm thankful for Sarah and her life to Jen and I. I can't wait to see her.

Father has been pouring His love into me going to the hurt, pain and lies buried underneath that hardpan soil that was not allowing the Word of God to have it's true and lasting transformative impact. He was healing me. He still is, but now there is a real and genuine growing sense that I cannot lose... that there is no defeat anymore. It doesn't matter what the enemy tries to take. He cannot take away from me what is fully mine to keep forever. I have God. I have Jesus, the Father and the Holy Spirit. Jesus said as if speaking through the Prodigal Father, "I am always with you, and all that I have is yours." Where's the defeat in that? There is no defeat for the sons of God. Yes we will suffer loss at times and we will grieve. We will cry. We will not pretend things are okay when they hurt, because things really hurt at times. We will experience difficult things. It's apart of life. BUT, we will not stay there. We can't, because Jesus is there and He's moving us forward. Where we feel alone and left to ourselves, He says: "I will never leave you nor forsake you." We are not alone and when we are ready He will move us on.

In this situation with Sarah we can't be "Beside the Road Hearts" - skeptical, guarding our hearts so we don't get hurt, not believing unless we see evidence of the fact, not wanting to believe too much so as to protect our hearts from being disappointed. If we did that we would lose the seed/bread that God wants to feed our believing hearts with. We would of lost yesterday. But instead we are not in that place. Our hearts are not calloused. We are still believing. We are able by the grace of God to honor Him with believing for the impossible - "For nothing is impossible with God."

We are living for Jesus to say to us: "And blessed is she (us) who believed that there would be a fulfillment of what had been spoken to her by the Lord."

So that we can say of the Lord like Mary: "... be it done to me according to your Word..." and "My soul exalts (makes great!) the Lord, And my Spirit has rejoiced in God my Savior. For He has had regard for the humble state of His bondslave..."

We are staying here with our hearts, off the road and in the field.