Field of dreams....

I just woke up from an eventful night of "sleeping". Eventful because I had wild and colorful dreams. "Sleeping", not sleeping, because I have a crazy-strong little boy inside my belly who kicks like there is no tomorrow. Not only are his kicks so strong that they throw off my sense of balance (not joking), but I also start getting sick to my stomach as if I'm on the world's loopiest roller-coaster ride ever! I used to think Sarah was a strong kicker...but I guess I didn't have another pregnancy/child to compare it to. My gosh River - try aiming for my intestines or kidneys or bladder or anything, but have mercy on my poor ribs!

Now back to the dream. Nights filled with wild and colorful dreams are pretty common for me...but nights filled with wild and colorful dreams that speak to my heart of hope are not an everyday occurrence. I woke up this morning feeling as if I had been kissed by the sun itself :)

The dream...

The setting was a beautiful farm with rolling hills. All of the land was covered in healthy and vibrant looking crops like corn, wheat, all kinds of veggies and mature fruit trees in abundance. It was a beautiful scene. The interesting part is that the entire dream (which felt like it spanned over a few weeks) took place at sunset. The sun wasn't setting...it was permanently in the sunset position with warm colors filling the sky and reflecting on the already breath taking crops.

The next thing I know, my heart is taken from a place of ecstasy to a place of mourning and heartache. Without it having to be spoken, I was aware that God's presence had departed from me and that I would no longer walk the fields of this farm/harvest with Him. Without any hesitation, I knew what needed to be done. I got out all the tractors and began plowing the healthy and abundant fields of this farm down to nothing. I drove over all the crops, tore out fruit trees from their roots and destroyed the lush vegetables waiting to be harvested. The field went from a place of love and abundance to rolling hills of soil with nothing growing anymore. My heart was so broken, yet I knew it was what needed to be done. Nothing mattered, not even a field full of crops ready to be harvested, without God's presence there. The interesting part is that He departed from me. He literally up and left. (All of this happening still at the moment of sunset).

After the ground was down to just soil, I left the field and went into a structure I had on the property where I began to cook a meal to "celebrate" the mourning and loss of His presence. It was odd - because I was broken and sad, yet knew it was a good thing so I chose to celebrate by preparing food. There were others around during the entire dream, but they were mere spectators at best. After preparing the meal, I went outside to the field once again and suddenly felt the need to water the soil. Although His presence had really only been gone a fraction of time (especially since the position of the sun didn't change the entire dream), it felt like an eternity had passed. Even though I knew I had sprinkler systems spread throughout the fields, I grabbed a basic garden hose and began to water the empty soil. There were random people laying face down in the dirt crying and mourning my loss, but it didn't seem to faze me - I just sprayed the water right on top of them (funny visual!). It didn't matter that the soil had been stripped of everything...I had this underlying hope that kept me watering the ground until it was almost flooded.

Within minutes of watering, little green sprouts began to shoot up out of the ground. It was like a scene from the show Planet Earth where they show time lapsed growth of plants, yet this fast growth was happening at regular speed/time. Green plants began to shoot up wherever I had watered...so I made my way (by hand) around the entire property and drenched the ground. As the plants began to sprout, I made my way back into the structure where I had prepared the food and I sat down to eat. My hope was slowly being restored. Within minutes of eating, I looked out the window to my left and saw the most unbelievable, panoramic scene. What used to be an empty field of soil was now a field of "perfectly in bloom" flowers of every species. Up on the hill were gladiolas (my mother's favorite) and closest to me were the most mature rose bushes exploding with perfectly opened roses of every color and scent. I ran outside and fell to my knees by the roses...the ground still saturated with water...and I began to weep.

I wept tears of thankfulness. Tears of hope and restoration. Tears of joy and solace. What I had once known was gone...but He had supernaturally replaced it with something new, something beautiful, something I never could have planted/grown on my own. Rather than being a practical field of food - it had turned into a field of thankfulness. A place to come and sit, rest, reflect...a place to breathe in the smells and the colors of grace. I stayed there with my knees drenched and my face and hands full of wet soil...crying out tears of thankfulness....for hope had finally been restored.