Adventures at the County Clinic and Compassion

Okay. So, for the last two weeks I've been really sick. I'm sure half of you reading this can attest to having fought the same sickness, as it seems like everyone I know is getting it. Even my parents, 3 states away, both got it! It's the nasty migraine, sore throat, sore ears, cough like crazy until you throw up type of sickness. Not fun. I've been fighting it with sleep (when my cough doesn't keep me awake) and lots of water, but its been two weeks and I'm still coughing like crazy and feel like my head is going to explode. Seeing that I'm 17 weeks pregnant, I thought it would be a good idea to go get checked out - just to make sure its not bacterial.

I was in a mourning group after we lost Sarah. The group was made up of about 7 women who had lost children. Most of the women had lost children to miscarriages in the first trimester, but a few had similar stories to ours. One lady had recently lost a 12 year old son to a sudden onset of leukemia. After spending 9 months with my little girl in the womb, I felt unbelievable love and connection to her...I can't even fathom losing a child you've spent 12 years of memories with. Breaks my heart. Anyway, one of the women was 30 weeks along when she picked up just a common virus from one of her son's friends. It was a sickness her body fought off, but for some reason it got through to the baby and caused him to go into heart failure and die. At the loss of Sarah, I really felt like it was also a loss of my innocence...but hearing this brought it to a whole new level. Healthy, normal, ten finger and ten toe babies are seeming more and more like a rare miracle to me! Those of you who have been gifted with healthy children - it truly is a gift.

All that to say...after battling this sickness for 2 weeks, I thought it was about time to get checked out just to make sure the baby was okay and that it wasn't something bacterial that could cause an infection in the womb.

The appointment was fine, the doctor did a quick (5 minute) exam and ruled out anything bacterial. She gave me a prescription that is "safe" for pregnant women and told me to get better. I won't take the prescription, but am thankful to know its not bacterial. I'll just have to keep resting. The true adventure though, was the smorgasbord of people that filled the 6 (yes 6!) different waiting rooms I was shuffled through. You had migrant workers, homeless, mentally ill, elderly, felons (two different people in shackles with cops waiting beside them)...you name it, they were there. I've never experienced government medicine before - I hope to never experience it again. I was shocked at the state of our local government health system. Shelves were barely stocked, doctors were depressed, patients were desperate...I was praying that I'd leave there free of any more sickness than when I came! Who knows what you can catch in those waiting rooms. My heart broke as I witnessed those in need being treated just as that...the desperate, the lonely, the uneducated and poor.

Joseph and I have been studying a bunch about judgment lately. I hate how easily I judge, it comes so naturally that its as if its woven into our DNA as humans. I see a woman walking down State Street with a bunch of Saks Fifth Ave bags hanging from her shoulder and I immediately judge her for being selfish and not giving that money to the poor. I see a migrant worker and judge him uneducated just because of stereotypes. How dare me! Most of the time I'm not even consciously doing it. A huge lesson I've learned in all of this....judgement and compassion CANNOT co-exist. If I'm judging, I can't be walking in compassion. Ouch. To take it a step deeper, I learned last night that the root of compassion is the literal word "womb". We are called to carry others as if they were in a womb...a place of peace, rest, love and unconditional care. I learned so much from my Sarah - I learned how to love the unlovely, how to care for those who are deemed "lost" or "unworthy". After having that revelation about compassion and the womb, it seemed even more appropriate that Sarah survived as long as she did - she was not only surrounded by my physical care and love, but she was breathing in and out the very essence of compassion. I love that...and I want to do that for the people around me. I want to be in places like the County Clinic and have eyes that envelope people with compassion and a heart that pours from the River of Life...sweet love and care.

Lord, teach us how to love....how to not judge...and how to walk in compassion.