Thankful

So much to be thankful for. River has been such a gift from God in the midst of this holiday season. It doesn't seem to matter how much time has passed, I still feel the absence of Sarah a bit stronger during the holidays. At times, it feels like our family is missing something - someone. I load up the car with River and have a feeling of absence, knowing his big sister isn't crawling into the car with us. There's a family we know at church who gave birth to their daughter a few days before I gave birth to Sarah. She's walking and talking...always dressed in cute little dresses with her hair in blonde pigtails...a constant reminder to my heart of how big Sarah would be if she hadn't died. Sarah and River would have had so much fun together.

I can't help but overflow with joy when I look at River. He's constantly laughing and smiling, filling our house with the sounds that I so longed for these last so many months. Our house never felt more quiet after losing Sarah. The silence was intensely painful. In the same way, River's joy has been intensely beautiful. He has seriously been such a river in the desert...a source of life and laughter. Joy is so healing. His love is so pure and real.

I was reminded over Thanksgiving just how vulnerable and precious our lives are. Losing Sarah has allowed Joseph and I a place of such gratitude in our hearts...the little guy could be crying at his absolute worst and I still well up with gratitude. I just can't take him for granted...I can't. I waited and fought and cried and experienced such loss....he is a gift that I get to open and re-open every single day of his life. What a beautiful thing life is.

How precious our lives are.

How thankful I am for my family.

How thankful I am for the gift of life and gratitude.